They say that half the battle is in the attitude. Sure, I agree, as your choice of attitude in a challenging situation determines the level of stress you put yourself through and how much energy you expand. However, the other half of the battle is your support system. You are only as strong and determined as those around you. The strength within you comes in part from those that offer their love and support. All this ‘fighting for your life’ of course we do for ourselves but the inspiration comes from the loved ones in our lives. No support system – no reason to fight.

So, if your support system is sparse and sporadic, and dwindles to almost nothing, then where and how are we to find the motivation to keep on going? Why bother? People tend to rally at the apex of a crisis but slowly disappear from your life if it becomes too involved, or stretches on for too long. I’m learning to not be bitter about it (I said I’m learning, it’s a process, I’m not there yet) but I’m still slighted, hurt and disappointed.

People live their lives to the best of their ability and they decide for themselves what is important to them. Often people let their ‘busy-ness’ get in the way and take over their lives but really, they are the ones making their own decisions. Each person decides for themselves what is most important to them. If you don’t feature in their lives anymore then such is life. If someone distances themselves from you, then it’s their decision and in no way is it a personal reflection on you. This is what I choose to believe.

We all live our lives for ourselves but we also all need human contact, love, support. I have a handful of friends and colleagues that have been amazing throughout my journey and I am ever so grateful for them. Thank you for your love and support – I honestly could not do this without you.

There have been a few new developments lately that are making me nervous. I found a large lump on the left side of my neck this week. Last time I had that was at the beginning of it all when the Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia moved to my lymph nodes to become Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma. Maybe it’s nothing. I’ll try not to get worked up over this until I know more. I am seeing my doctor next week so let’s see what she says. I’ll keep you posted.

Marie-Chantal